RAFT- A Guide for Transitioning Well

In their book, Third Culture Kid: Growing up Among Worlds, the authors, David Pollock and Ruth

Van Reken, lay out four steps for leaving a place and starting in a new one. In the difficulty and

grief of transition, these steps have proven beneficial to many, including myself, in navigating

various changes and the emotional upheaval of moving in the healthiest way possible. These

four steps include: reconciliation, affirmation, farewell, and think destination. These steps build

a RAFT to help carry us through the turbulent waters of transition to a solid resting place. I

outline the steps of RAFT below in further detail.

1. The first step of building your RAFT is Reconciliation. Reconciliation involves leaving in

peace. It is difficult to start well in a new situation if we have not left our previous

location in peace. If we leave in peace, we can begin in peace. However, if we do not

leave in peace, we carry unresolved conflict with us to our new situation which will stay

with us and impact our experiences. This unresolved conflict could include general

feelings towards a place or specific relationships. I have experienced moves where it

was difficult to leave in peace, and I didn’t always do so. Leaving in peace is not always

possible. However, the Bible says, if possible, we should live at peace with others as

much as it is up to us. (Romans 12:18) This could look like forgiving someone or a group

of people, releasing bitterness, blessing our enemies, and having tough conversations.

This can be very difficult where harm has been caused on one or both sides. It is always

important to assess whether it is safe to address the issue or if a more internal process

of forgiveness and releasing would be more appropriate. If we are able to do this well,

we will be able to create our other three logs better.

2. The second step of building our RAFT is Affirmation. Affirmation involves letting those

we care about know how much we love and appreciate them. This could be in the form

of a letter, gift, word of encouragement, or special time/trips together. It means

acknowledging the impact someone has had on our lives and making sure they know

how much they mean to us!

3. The third step of RAFT is Farewell. This step involves actually saying goodbye and

grieving the loss. There have been so many moves where I wish I could skip this step as I

hate the moment of saying goodbye and all of the emotions in brings up, but I follow

through with it as much as possible because I know how crucial it is to leave a place

well. This could involve saying goodbye to people, places, or customs. Each goodbye is

like a small death. Even for places and people we believe we will eventually see again,

we still grieve the loss of the here and now and the being with as we go through life

together and all the day-to-day experiences we will miss out on in our absence from

loved ones. We are saying goodbye to life as we know it in this season with these

people. No matter how skilled we are at adapting, sometimes we just need to sit with

the grief and acknowledge and honor the importance of this moment and these people

before we take the time to move on. This process must not be rushed. If we don’t take

the time to acknowledge this step of saying goodbye, it will come up later on. This could

look like taking the time as a family to discuss our favorite places, people, activities, and

memories, going to places we love one last time, getting favorite treats, or having a

goodbye party. I also have used specific grief activities in therapy which help honor

memories and experiences, such as a creating a grief ornament or pot.

4. The final step to create our RAFT is to think destination. We want to get excited about

where we are going! In one particularly difficult move where I didn’t want to leave, I had

to do my best to think of all of the good things about the place I was going and make a

list of gratitude once I got there. It wasn’t an easy process by any means, but it helped

to get me in the proper mindset to start well in a new place. This step could be super

easy if you are excited about the move or very difficult, but either way it is important to

begin the process of planting yourself on solid ground and falling in love with your new

location! Take the time to research and explore your new area and meet new people.